We have been in Ky now for 5 days. The flight here was very uneventful. The babies did great on the plane and at the airports. I was very thankful that the flight did not cause them stress. The day after, Wednesday, however, was a different story. I guess it was due to lack of sleep on Tuesday and overstimulation that they were both pretty whiny and tired. They just needed a day to de-stress I guess.
We traveled to Inez Wednesday nite while trying to keep the car travel during times they would normally be sleeping. That was our hope anyway. They ended up sleeping about 30-40 minutes of the drive and crying the rest of it.
Thursday we got them ready after their lunch and went to Warfield. I took them on the hill to my father's and grandparent's graves and visited for a few minutes. We then went to my friend's parent's house for Christmas Eve lunch. We had the best fried chicken and the babies had their first bite of real mashed potato and green beans. They were also very well behaved, thank God.
We then went to visit a friend of my mother's and see her grandchildren. Again, we couldn't have asked for better babies. We were also made to feel so welcomed. I truly miss this closeness of friends.
We drove back to Lexington that nite and, once again, the babies slept for about the first 40 minutes of the drive. When we arrived we put them down after a bottle and they went right to sleep.
We spent Christmas day in our pj's and laid around after opening presents. We had a great lunch/dinner of roast beef and all the fixings. The babies had a great day and were in happy moods. Of course it helped that they got lots of new toys and Nana had bought some more to keep them occupied throughout the day.
Saturday, the day after Christmas, we went to my dad's sister's house for their family Christmas. It was so nice to be with family that I have not seen in a while. I didn't realize how much I missed that closeness or connection until I was there and felt it. I have lived in Waco now for just over 4 years and have tried so hard to find a closeness or connection but have not been allowed in. Now it is pretty much too late although I keep trying. Why, I have no idea.....isn't that definition of insanity.....
I am also realizing that now that my mother will be moving to Waco, my babies' will never know my history. They spent the nite in Inez Wednesday but they will never remember or know the house that I grew up in or the town that I lived in. They will probably never again go to my father's grave or understand anything about him or what he accomplished. It is due to everything that I have given up and will give up for the sake of my family with my husband and our babies that I just don't understand how selfish and cruel people can be.
See, on top of all of this, just like every other event that I have had with my husband, this holiday has a cloud over it. I just wanted to bring my children to Ky for their first Christmas so my family could see them, I could take them to my friends to see. These are people who have called/emailed to see how the babies are, to see how they are growing, who make comments on their pictures on facebook. By bringing them to Ky at this time of year, they fly for free as "lap kids" and are too young to be worried about Santa "finding them". My husband would only miss 2.5 days of work during a time that would be slow anyway. But, just like everything else, my husband's family had to be cruel about it.
Instead of just saying they would be disappointed about not being with the babies on their first Christmas but that they understood, I was accused of "doing this" just to hurt them and make it a bad Christmas. When my husband tried to explain that was not the case, he was told then that I had just brain washed him. Again, another power I was not aware of having.
Hopefully, we can have a 2010 that will not have a cloud over everything we do that should be a celebration, a happy occasion. There is always hope....
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Holiday Travel
We will soon be taking the babies to Kentucky to see my family for Christmas. No one in my family has been able to see them since we have not traveled there and they are not able to come here. I have begun making a list of the absolute needed items to take with us. I don't want my mother to have to buy more than we will use while there and I don't want to take more than we need - just getting everything thru the airport will be a nightmare.
Just to run it down, we will have to take car seats, strollers, diaper bags, clothes, diapers, bottles/food for the day of travel. Then, we get to struggle with our bags.....it will be quite a trip but if we take a deep breath, dive in, I think we will make it.
Just to run it down, we will have to take car seats, strollers, diaper bags, clothes, diapers, bottles/food for the day of travel. Then, we get to struggle with our bags.....it will be quite a trip but if we take a deep breath, dive in, I think we will make it.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Thanksgiving
I am pleased to write about a nice family experience with the babies. Last week we celebrated Thanksgiving with my husband's family and it went surprisingly well.
A few weeks ago my husband and I discussed everything and decided that we would celebrate the holiday with his family with a few notes. If I was attacked (again!!), or our children were ignored (again!!) then we would leave. We left our house with a positive feeling and a true desire that everything went well. Everything going well for us and our children has been our only true desire - even though it is not what people believe.
When we arrived we were made to feel welcomed. Even my husband's sister, the one that has been doing all of the attacking & ignoring, scooped up a baby. It was nice.
All in all both my husband and myself had a great holiday. The only thing that would've made it better would have been for a public apology from his sister for her previous public attack, but I can always ask Santa. As long as nothing like that happens again, we should be on the healing path. I can say, however, I will not be treated that way again as it is not accepted behavior by myself or my husband no matter how anyone else feels about it. Basically, the future family relations are in her/their hands. Hopefully, they will make the right choice.
A few weeks ago my husband and I discussed everything and decided that we would celebrate the holiday with his family with a few notes. If I was attacked (again!!), or our children were ignored (again!!) then we would leave. We left our house with a positive feeling and a true desire that everything went well. Everything going well for us and our children has been our only true desire - even though it is not what people believe.
When we arrived we were made to feel welcomed. Even my husband's sister, the one that has been doing all of the attacking & ignoring, scooped up a baby. It was nice.
All in all both my husband and myself had a great holiday. The only thing that would've made it better would have been for a public apology from his sister for her previous public attack, but I can always ask Santa. As long as nothing like that happens again, we should be on the healing path. I can say, however, I will not be treated that way again as it is not accepted behavior by myself or my husband no matter how anyone else feels about it. Basically, the future family relations are in her/their hands. Hopefully, they will make the right choice.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Yeah!!
My mother has been here for 3 weeks and it has been great having her. Just having someone to go out with and help with the babies and be there when I need the extra hand is great. This is something that I have needed, prayed for, for so long. As the babies get older it will be easier to take them out but I want to do it more often now. Mother has been great in going out at lunch w/them and little afternoon excursions.
She leaves on Sunday and it will be hard to get use to having to do without the support or companionship again. At least she is working on a deal for house here and she will be returning with me on 12/28 for a month. With this, I am pretty sure I can get thru the next 4-5 weeks....
She leaves on Sunday and it will be hard to get use to having to do without the support or companionship again. At least she is working on a deal for house here and she will be returning with me on 12/28 for a month. With this, I am pretty sure I can get thru the next 4-5 weeks....
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Halloween
Last nite was Halloween and we took the babies to Zoo Boo at the Cameron Park Zoo. My mother is here visiting so it was nice to take her with us.
We had our daughter dressed in a monkey costume and our son was in a tiger costume. They were absolutely adorable. In some of the pictures I took they look at me like "why are we in this get-up?".
About half-way thru the zoo tour they both fell asleep. They were so cute sucking on their pacifiers and completely out of it. They later woke up and I took some more pictures.
At about 7:20 pm we "pulled over" and gave them bottles. Their usual bedtime is 7:30 so they were winding completely down and ready to be in bed. We fed them then proceeded out of the zoo toward the parking lot. Neither one fell asleep on the way home but they went down shortly after they were put to bed.
Overall, their first Halloween was a success and we have some great pictures to show them when they are older.
We had our daughter dressed in a monkey costume and our son was in a tiger costume. They were absolutely adorable. In some of the pictures I took they look at me like "why are we in this get-up?".
About half-way thru the zoo tour they both fell asleep. They were so cute sucking on their pacifiers and completely out of it. They later woke up and I took some more pictures.
At about 7:20 pm we "pulled over" and gave them bottles. Their usual bedtime is 7:30 so they were winding completely down and ready to be in bed. We fed them then proceeded out of the zoo toward the parking lot. Neither one fell asleep on the way home but they went down shortly after they were put to bed.
Overall, their first Halloween was a success and we have some great pictures to show them when they are older.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Busy brains vs Busy Bodies
Never having babies before I never thought that less physical activity and more mental activity would tire a baby out. Let me explain.
This past Saturday I got up around 6:20 to get myself ready before the babies got up. See, we were taking them to the homecoming parade and it was to start at 8 am. The babies were both up by 6:45 and right at 7 we started feeding them breakfast. We had them fed, "bottled", and changed and in their car seats by 7:35. We felt this was pretty good given we also were trying to give them time to "dirty" their diaper before we left as well since changing a diaper at the parade could be a little tricky.
On the way downtown we stopped and picked us up breakfast. We arrived at the "parade spot" my husband likes at 8:05. The parade was just starting to get to this location so we quickly ate. My husband and I held the babies, passed them between the two of us, and enjoyed the parade. At about 9:10, I was holding our son and he just crashed. Poor guy did not even wake up when I put him in the car seat. We came home and put both babies in their cribs for their naps as our daughter fell asleep on the way home.
Both babies slept until we woke them at 11:30 for lunch. After they ate, we loaded them back up in the car and we all went out to lunch. The babies usually go down between 2-2:30 for their afternoon nap but it was all they could do to stay awake until 1:45. Again, they slept until we woke them at 4:30.
At nite, they usually go down around 7:20-7:40. This nite, they both crashed by 7:10.
The only thing my husband and I could liken it to was back in our college days. We remembered how exhausted we would get when we had to study for a big test or spend the day taking exams. I guess this is how the babies' felt. They had had so much mental stimulation at the parade and the new restaurant that they were just overloaded.
So, it appears that for our two, mental stimulation can be just as tiring as physical stimulation.
This past Saturday I got up around 6:20 to get myself ready before the babies got up. See, we were taking them to the homecoming parade and it was to start at 8 am. The babies were both up by 6:45 and right at 7 we started feeding them breakfast. We had them fed, "bottled", and changed and in their car seats by 7:35. We felt this was pretty good given we also were trying to give them time to "dirty" their diaper before we left as well since changing a diaper at the parade could be a little tricky.
On the way downtown we stopped and picked us up breakfast. We arrived at the "parade spot" my husband likes at 8:05. The parade was just starting to get to this location so we quickly ate. My husband and I held the babies, passed them between the two of us, and enjoyed the parade. At about 9:10, I was holding our son and he just crashed. Poor guy did not even wake up when I put him in the car seat. We came home and put both babies in their cribs for their naps as our daughter fell asleep on the way home.
Both babies slept until we woke them at 11:30 for lunch. After they ate, we loaded them back up in the car and we all went out to lunch. The babies usually go down between 2-2:30 for their afternoon nap but it was all they could do to stay awake until 1:45. Again, they slept until we woke them at 4:30.
At nite, they usually go down around 7:20-7:40. This nite, they both crashed by 7:10.
The only thing my husband and I could liken it to was back in our college days. We remembered how exhausted we would get when we had to study for a big test or spend the day taking exams. I guess this is how the babies' felt. They had had so much mental stimulation at the parade and the new restaurant that they were just overloaded.
So, it appears that for our two, mental stimulation can be just as tiring as physical stimulation.
Do Not Analyze
I have to start by saying this is strictly a post to try to clarify - shouldn't have to but...- my posts.
First of all, I write what I mean. No one needs to print my posts and gather at lunch or dinner with a bunch of their friends to "try to figure it out". There is nothing to "figure out". If you want to discuss the posts, fine. Having my butt jumped for what people assumed or thought they knew what I meant by what I said has been the whole issue from the start.
Secondly, I love my husband. I think I have proved that with everything I have given up for a life with him and everything I have put myself through and had to put up with to provide a family for us. If anyone ever uses the phase "if you love your husband you will...." again when speaking/emailing me, and let me be perfectly clear so no one has to "figure" this out, I will unleash a rather severe wrath.
Third, it has been stated that I want to move. Well, wouldn't you? Let's review just a few things that have been done to me. I have had hate mail put inside a birthday present, I have been accused of being rude when I was actually too depressed about the whole baby issue to talk - anyone would've known this had they asked, I have had in-laws wish that our marriage would not last (said on our wedding day at our wedding), I have had to explain innocent decisions and actions because, again, it was assumed that I obviously meant something completely different, I have changed my plans to be at functions for people who would not even consider doing this for me/us/our children, I have had someone stand up in a restaurant and jump my butt, again for what they thought I meant, I have brought two of the most perfect babies home from the hospital to no fanfare at all, and all of this has been treated as accepted behavior toward me/us. I have been told who I should be friends with, I have had "so called" friends of my in-laws make statements to me about the bad way they feel about my husband's sister, then this same person, feeling guilty maybe, has run to her within 15 hours of the conversation to tell her that I was the one that said all of the terrible things - which this person was believed as she sold it so well that when my husband was asked about it by his family & he told them that this other person had said "the things", he wasn't even believed....by his own family.
Fourth, the majority of what we have heard has come from third parties. Anyone under the misguided assumption that no one knew any of the stuff I have written about - until they read my posts - is hugely mistaken. After all, how do you think we found out about the majority of these things? Which leads me to wonder about someone who is more worried that people know what has been done/said then they are by what has actually been done/said.
I hope this post has cleared up everything. I do want everything to be great for us and our children. I have done nothing with any intent to hurt or paint anyone in a poor light. If simply stating what has been done makes someone appear that way, then maybe they should be careful and think about what they do. Do I want people to "walk on eggshells"? No, absolutely not. Am I going to nic-pic everything, no. I have just reached a breaking point and wish that, for once just think about what you do. If you would not send hate mail in a birthday present to anyone else, if you would not wish anyone else's marriage would end soon, if you would not ignore what someone else could be going through, if you would not ignore someone's kids or family events, or if you would not stand up in a restaurant and attack someone else, then simply don't do it to me. I have never done any of these things to anyone......ever. Actually, never thought about doing any of these things.
Now, back to the babies...
First of all, I write what I mean. No one needs to print my posts and gather at lunch or dinner with a bunch of their friends to "try to figure it out". There is nothing to "figure out". If you want to discuss the posts, fine. Having my butt jumped for what people assumed or thought they knew what I meant by what I said has been the whole issue from the start.
Secondly, I love my husband. I think I have proved that with everything I have given up for a life with him and everything I have put myself through and had to put up with to provide a family for us. If anyone ever uses the phase "if you love your husband you will...." again when speaking/emailing me, and let me be perfectly clear so no one has to "figure" this out, I will unleash a rather severe wrath.
Third, it has been stated that I want to move. Well, wouldn't you? Let's review just a few things that have been done to me. I have had hate mail put inside a birthday present, I have been accused of being rude when I was actually too depressed about the whole baby issue to talk - anyone would've known this had they asked, I have had in-laws wish that our marriage would not last (said on our wedding day at our wedding), I have had to explain innocent decisions and actions because, again, it was assumed that I obviously meant something completely different, I have changed my plans to be at functions for people who would not even consider doing this for me/us/our children, I have had someone stand up in a restaurant and jump my butt, again for what they thought I meant, I have brought two of the most perfect babies home from the hospital to no fanfare at all, and all of this has been treated as accepted behavior toward me/us. I have been told who I should be friends with, I have had "so called" friends of my in-laws make statements to me about the bad way they feel about my husband's sister, then this same person, feeling guilty maybe, has run to her within 15 hours of the conversation to tell her that I was the one that said all of the terrible things - which this person was believed as she sold it so well that when my husband was asked about it by his family & he told them that this other person had said "the things", he wasn't even believed....by his own family.
Fourth, the majority of what we have heard has come from third parties. Anyone under the misguided assumption that no one knew any of the stuff I have written about - until they read my posts - is hugely mistaken. After all, how do you think we found out about the majority of these things? Which leads me to wonder about someone who is more worried that people know what has been done/said then they are by what has actually been done/said.
I hope this post has cleared up everything. I do want everything to be great for us and our children. I have done nothing with any intent to hurt or paint anyone in a poor light. If simply stating what has been done makes someone appear that way, then maybe they should be careful and think about what they do. Do I want people to "walk on eggshells"? No, absolutely not. Am I going to nic-pic everything, no. I have just reached a breaking point and wish that, for once just think about what you do. If you would not send hate mail in a birthday present to anyone else, if you would not wish anyone else's marriage would end soon, if you would not ignore what someone else could be going through, if you would not ignore someone's kids or family events, or if you would not stand up in a restaurant and attack someone else, then simply don't do it to me. I have never done any of these things to anyone......ever. Actually, never thought about doing any of these things.
Now, back to the babies...
Monday, October 12, 2009
Dinner
Last nite we had our official "room warming". We had several friends over for a great chili dinner - my husband found the recipe online - and everyone brought something to add to the meal and we just sat around and relaxed. We got to show off the babies' new playroom and my re-worked pool table/dining room table with the new chairs. The dining room was not as tight as I had thought it would be. Overall, I would say we had a great dinner!
Friday, October 9, 2009
Weekend
It is a rainy Friday but the start of a weekend. Since we have our rooms finally finished we are having a "dinner party" this Sunday with a great group of friends. Kind of a "room warming". I can't wait to see everyone and be able to relax with friends. I am planning on cooking a big crock pot of chili and letting people just bring cheese, crackers, etc - anything they want but nothing fancy. I think everyone feels more relaxed and comfortable when we are just throwing something together and sitting around than trying to be too formal.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Random thoughts
I'm sitting here watching the babies play, our son in a jumper and our daughter in an exersaucer. Both toys are beside each other so the babies are babbling and laughing at each other. It is so special that I just cannot imagine how these two will grow up.
I want them to grow up feeling loved, feeling important, and feeling like they belong. My biggest fear is that they will look at me one day and ask "why" about how they feel or have been made to feel. I try to protect them as much as possible but it is hard. I also want them to feel like they belong but how will they when they are just not that important to most.
I also have no way of knowing what is suppose to be expected for them. See, I have tried to make time for them to be celebrated but it always fails. I have heard "we have done it for all the other kids so of course I will do it for yours", then I have been told "just because we did it for others doesn't mean we have to do it for yours". Which one is it? I had hoped that everything done for others that celebrated others and brought family together would be a given for our children. Unfortunately, it was not. However, I predicted it. I always asked my husband why we had to change plans to be there for everyone else. He always answered that because they will do it for us when the time comes. I usually rolled my eyes & sighed because I thought he was setting himself up for disappointment. As it turned out, I was right - but not happy that I was right.
We are now making plans for the holidays and really only thinking of what we want to do. We don't want to set ourselves or babies up to be ignored, which has now become the accepted family practice. Halloween we will be going to the zoo, Thanksgiving is still "open" and we will be in KY for Christmas. We just have to go forward and plan for our children and try to make their holiday experiences as special as possible.
I want them to grow up feeling loved, feeling important, and feeling like they belong. My biggest fear is that they will look at me one day and ask "why" about how they feel or have been made to feel. I try to protect them as much as possible but it is hard. I also want them to feel like they belong but how will they when they are just not that important to most.
I also have no way of knowing what is suppose to be expected for them. See, I have tried to make time for them to be celebrated but it always fails. I have heard "we have done it for all the other kids so of course I will do it for yours", then I have been told "just because we did it for others doesn't mean we have to do it for yours". Which one is it? I had hoped that everything done for others that celebrated others and brought family together would be a given for our children. Unfortunately, it was not. However, I predicted it. I always asked my husband why we had to change plans to be there for everyone else. He always answered that because they will do it for us when the time comes. I usually rolled my eyes & sighed because I thought he was setting himself up for disappointment. As it turned out, I was right - but not happy that I was right.
We are now making plans for the holidays and really only thinking of what we want to do. We don't want to set ourselves or babies up to be ignored, which has now become the accepted family practice. Halloween we will be going to the zoo, Thanksgiving is still "open" and we will be in KY for Christmas. We just have to go forward and plan for our children and try to make their holiday experiences as special as possible.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Rainy Day
It's Sunday and rainy. One of those days that makes you feel like staying in and not getting out of your pj's. Which I think is exactly what I am going to do with the babies.
We got up with our son, who is the early riser, then got our daughter up. We fed them breakfast & played with them. After about an hour I went to the grocery store while my husband got them ready for and put them down for a nap. When I returned home, after being rained on while getting the groceries, I put my "mom uniform" on (sweatpants & shirt) and curled up in a chair.
We have fed the babies their lunch and my husband has gone to get us something to eat. The babies are in their exersaucers & still in their pj's. I think we may just stay this way all day......
We got up with our son, who is the early riser, then got our daughter up. We fed them breakfast & played with them. After about an hour I went to the grocery store while my husband got them ready for and put them down for a nap. When I returned home, after being rained on while getting the groceries, I put my "mom uniform" on (sweatpants & shirt) and curled up in a chair.
We have fed the babies their lunch and my husband has gone to get us something to eat. The babies are in their exersaucers & still in their pj's. I think we may just stay this way all day......
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Amazed
I just cannot stop being amazed at how people act. Why do others insist that they are made a priority but when the time comes to do the same they will not do that for others. It goes a long way in saying something about that person's character and selfishness. I feel that it goes back to not asking people to do for you what you are not willing to do for them.
I also feel that when this happens there is no reason to stay connected to these type of people. It is like they have put you in your place - so to speak. A place that says that you don't matter, never did really, and are basically not worth their time. Once you have been put in that place doesn't it make it easier to disconnect. When you disconnect, have you really lost anything?? Don't you gain the freedom to make your own plans & know that you no longer have to change or cancel them? Afterall, why would you? Their not going to do it for you.....
I also feel that when this happens there is no reason to stay connected to these type of people. It is like they have put you in your place - so to speak. A place that says that you don't matter, never did really, and are basically not worth their time. Once you have been put in that place doesn't it make it easier to disconnect. When you disconnect, have you really lost anything?? Don't you gain the freedom to make your own plans & know that you no longer have to change or cancel them? Afterall, why would you? Their not going to do it for you.....
Monday, September 28, 2009
Almost there...
The playroom is almost finished!! We painted the trim over the weekend and my husband and his father blew insulation into the attic over the room on Sunday. I need to clean the paint off the door window, my husband needs to hang the TV and the carpet is scheduled for Wednesday. The babies will wake up from their afternoon nap and I will have moved all their exersaucers and swings into their new room!! The only thing that will be left is to get a couple of pieces of furniture so we will have something to sit on when we are in the room watching the babies.
The other "room", the dining room, will be ready within a week to 10 days. The table top for the pool table has been built and is sitting on the pool table. I have ordered the table cloth and the chairs as well as 2 counter height stools for the kitchen. I love overstock.com!! The table cloth I found was at tableclothsfactory.com. It is a banquet cloth but due to the size that I needed this was my best bet - and only $22 w/shipping!! As soon as we know when to expect the chairs & cloth we are planning on having a "room warming" on either a Saturday or Sunday. I can't wait to contact our friends & invite them to dinner to celebrate. I'm thinking since it is officially fall a big crock pot of chili would be perfect!!
The other "room", the dining room, will be ready within a week to 10 days. The table top for the pool table has been built and is sitting on the pool table. I have ordered the table cloth and the chairs as well as 2 counter height stools for the kitchen. I love overstock.com!! The table cloth I found was at tableclothsfactory.com. It is a banquet cloth but due to the size that I needed this was my best bet - and only $22 w/shipping!! As soon as we know when to expect the chairs & cloth we are planning on having a "room warming" on either a Saturday or Sunday. I can't wait to contact our friends & invite them to dinner to celebrate. I'm thinking since it is officially fall a big crock pot of chili would be perfect!!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Are You Serious??
OK, I have to write about this because it has been bothering me for a few days. A few days ago we were at my husband's parents to have our pictures taken using their lawn as a back drop. They have a really lush, beautiful setting and we were hoping the pictures would be great. While there I was loving on our son while changing his clothes and kissing his scar. I was telling our son that his scar is my favorite part of him because it is why I have him today.
Can you believe that his grandfather asked why he had a scar? Hello?? Chest tube?? Remember the chest tube that was keeping him alive along with the respirator when he was born? Our son almost died twice, once when he was born and then again when he went further downhill and had to have a respirator to keep him breathing.
This statement just brought back how little our children were celebrated. I remember my husband calling his family to let them know that our son would be coming home after surviving the NICU - which has excellent doctors and nurses & why we have our son today - on a Saturday. My husband was calling to let them know that we were hoping the family could be there to celebrate this great occasion with us when we brought our son home, which was something that we were so scared would not happen. Afterall, the last grandchild that came home from the hospital and fortunately did not have any health issues came home to a family celebration - we all were there and we had even been told to cancel our dinner plans that nite with friends to be there. But our son survived and thrived and of course his family would want to celebrate him coming home. But, we were told it was not a good a day, pretty much everyone had plans. I guess after having our daughter come home 3 days before and no one had even called to welcome her home that it should not have surprised us that "it was not a good day" for anyone to celebrate our son surviving and coming home. This after we had changed and canceled so many plans to celebrate other family times. My husband told me that he was willing to do all of this because when we had children his family would do the same for us.
Well, they did not. What does that say about our children and their place?? How do I keep our children from feeling second class or not important? I don't want them hurt by this & I will try to limit and shelter them from these situations. I just hurt for them and wish I could change things for them. They are the sweetest babies and so trusting and look to their father and me for support and protection. I plan on doing just that.
Can you believe that his grandfather asked why he had a scar? Hello?? Chest tube?? Remember the chest tube that was keeping him alive along with the respirator when he was born? Our son almost died twice, once when he was born and then again when he went further downhill and had to have a respirator to keep him breathing.
This statement just brought back how little our children were celebrated. I remember my husband calling his family to let them know that our son would be coming home after surviving the NICU - which has excellent doctors and nurses & why we have our son today - on a Saturday. My husband was calling to let them know that we were hoping the family could be there to celebrate this great occasion with us when we brought our son home, which was something that we were so scared would not happen. Afterall, the last grandchild that came home from the hospital and fortunately did not have any health issues came home to a family celebration - we all were there and we had even been told to cancel our dinner plans that nite with friends to be there. But our son survived and thrived and of course his family would want to celebrate him coming home. But, we were told it was not a good a day, pretty much everyone had plans. I guess after having our daughter come home 3 days before and no one had even called to welcome her home that it should not have surprised us that "it was not a good day" for anyone to celebrate our son surviving and coming home. This after we had changed and canceled so many plans to celebrate other family times. My husband told me that he was willing to do all of this because when we had children his family would do the same for us.
Well, they did not. What does that say about our children and their place?? How do I keep our children from feeling second class or not important? I don't want them hurt by this & I will try to limit and shelter them from these situations. I just hurt for them and wish I could change things for them. They are the sweetest babies and so trusting and look to their father and me for support and protection. I plan on doing just that.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Dinner w/Friends
Last nite we took the babies out to dinner with us for a friend's birthday dinner. Clark was typical - happy, playful, flirty. Caitlyn actually did better than we thought she would. She wouldn't let anyone hold her but she did not scream every time a person looked at her. Hopefully she is getting a bit more social. The only true meltdown for both babies came when it got past their bedtime. We knew we would be out a little later than normal but we had to see what would happen. Overall they did not do that bad for 7 month olds.
As a personal note, it was nice to be at a dinner with our friends. I do miss those times. It seems that since I have decided that I will no longer attends dinners where it has become common-place and acceptable for people to stand up in a restaurant and attack me we don't get out much. Amazing enough my husband got an email explaining the attack on me as "flashes of anger" because it was assumed that I meant something. He got the email, not me....he forwarded it to me. That is the whole problem, the assumptions that I mean something then the attack based on the assumption then the hurt feelings on my part. Then, two times we attended dinners to try to let it go and we and the babies were ignored. Again, this has become accepted behavior. Just like the email to my husband, not me. It is OK to treat me and the babies as if we don't matter.
So I am trying to keep us out of as many of those situations as possible. I much rather enjoy the situations like we attended last nite. Everyone last nite that was at dinner is supportive of us, our babies, and just great to be around. Thank you for a great dinner and a great nite out.
As a personal note, it was nice to be at a dinner with our friends. I do miss those times. It seems that since I have decided that I will no longer attends dinners where it has become common-place and acceptable for people to stand up in a restaurant and attack me we don't get out much. Amazing enough my husband got an email explaining the attack on me as "flashes of anger" because it was assumed that I meant something. He got the email, not me....he forwarded it to me. That is the whole problem, the assumptions that I mean something then the attack based on the assumption then the hurt feelings on my part. Then, two times we attended dinners to try to let it go and we and the babies were ignored. Again, this has become accepted behavior. Just like the email to my husband, not me. It is OK to treat me and the babies as if we don't matter.
So I am trying to keep us out of as many of those situations as possible. I much rather enjoy the situations like we attended last nite. Everyone last nite that was at dinner is supportive of us, our babies, and just great to be around. Thank you for a great dinner and a great nite out.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Coming along
Well, the room renovation is coming along. It seems to be taking a long time however, we are only working on it about 3 days a week. We hope to have the new room painted by the end of the weekend so we can look for carpet next week. So far the round wall has been modified - it is weight bearing so could not be completely removed - the sub floor built, the french doors put in, the room has been textured, a door cut into the garage wall to access the back yard, and the lights have been bought. We still need to buy baseboards and crown molding, carpet, tv, install lights and complete the finish work on the kitchen side of the round wall (mud/sand/texture/paint). I would love to have it all finished in the next 3 weeks. I am getting tired of all of the dust and really want my kitchen table back. After the room is finished our contractor will get the table top finished for the pool table/dining table conversion.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Back in the Swing
My husband came home yesterday afternoon after being away all weekend for a conference. He took over the babies' dinner activities and I went out to run some errands. Due to the rain all weekend I had not been out of the house since going to the grocery store Thursday morning. I was so looking forward to being out for a brief time but of course I had to run into someone that I have no desire to see. Oh, well, what's a girl to do?
Today, I am back in the swing of the week with the babies. I had actually jumped into the week with both feet. My husband got called out to surgery just as I was fixing the babies' breakfast. I fed them, ran the vacuum to try to keep the dust down from the room renovation, played with the babies & had them back down for a nap around 915. Very busy morning!!
Today, I am back in the swing of the week with the babies. I had actually jumped into the week with both feet. My husband got called out to surgery just as I was fixing the babies' breakfast. I fed them, ran the vacuum to try to keep the dust down from the room renovation, played with the babies & had them back down for a nap around 915. Very busy morning!!
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Whew...
My husband is out of town this weekend at a conference. He left yesterday morning after we fed the babies breakfast. I got them down for their nap and made them some sweet potatoes. I really enjoy making their food. Anyway, my day with the babies progressed as usual - lunch, playtime, bottle, nap. They woke in the afternoon around 430. Just after 5 their babysitter came by.
We had hired a college student at the end of the last semester to babysit for us. She has been away all summer and during this time our daughter has developed this fear of strangers. I thought that this would be a good time for our daughter and the sitter to get to know each other. Our sitter helped me with the babies' dinner and played with them while I got some laundry done. She also helped me give the babies their bottles and put them to bed.
The babies slept pretty good last nite. I was only up 2-3 times to flip them back onto their bellies so they could continue to sleep. Our son woke up around 620 this morning & I just took him to bed with me. I got our daughter up at 7 and let them play in their swings while I fixed their breakfast.
I got them fed, changed for the day, rotated them through 4 toys and back down for their morning nap at 930. I felt like I had already put in a full day.
I got them up for lunch, played again, bottle and now they are down for their afternoon nap. I would love to have their schedule! They will be up in about an hour and a half. They will play in their swings while I get their dinner ready, then we will eat, play and get ready for bed. They will back down around 730. It has been a very busy day and the day is only half over.
Although it has me worn out, I would not trade this time with the babies for anything. I am very proud to have them wear me out! I will also be very thankful when my husband gets home tomorrow....
We had hired a college student at the end of the last semester to babysit for us. She has been away all summer and during this time our daughter has developed this fear of strangers. I thought that this would be a good time for our daughter and the sitter to get to know each other. Our sitter helped me with the babies' dinner and played with them while I got some laundry done. She also helped me give the babies their bottles and put them to bed.
The babies slept pretty good last nite. I was only up 2-3 times to flip them back onto their bellies so they could continue to sleep. Our son woke up around 620 this morning & I just took him to bed with me. I got our daughter up at 7 and let them play in their swings while I fixed their breakfast.
I got them fed, changed for the day, rotated them through 4 toys and back down for their morning nap at 930. I felt like I had already put in a full day.
I got them up for lunch, played again, bottle and now they are down for their afternoon nap. I would love to have their schedule! They will be up in about an hour and a half. They will play in their swings while I get their dinner ready, then we will eat, play and get ready for bed. They will back down around 730. It has been a very busy day and the day is only half over.
Although it has me worn out, I would not trade this time with the babies for anything. I am very proud to have them wear me out! I will also be very thankful when my husband gets home tomorrow....
Thursday, September 10, 2009
7 Months
We have made it, or should I say the babies have made it to 7 months!! Our son is a chunk and our daughter has a weird thing for eyeballs but other than that everything is great. They are healthy and happy and fun to be with. I get amazed at how fast they start to do things these days.
We have up'ed their food to 3 ounces a feeding with a bottle afterward. There are times when they push the bottle away because they are full from the fruits/veg/cereal. The get to start having proteins at 8 months which I will not be making. So far I have enjoyed making their food. I feel good when they like what I have fixed for them.
We have up'ed their food to 3 ounces a feeding with a bottle afterward. There are times when they push the bottle away because they are full from the fruits/veg/cereal. The get to start having proteins at 8 months which I will not be making. So far I have enjoyed making their food. I feel good when they like what I have fixed for them.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Today was a very busy with us and the babies. Last Thursday our son came home with a stuffy nose. Then Friday our daughter "caught" it. I truly feel that they have not caught anything but are reacting to the room addition/remodeling we are doing. There is a lot of drywall sand and dust from cutting out a wall. Both myself and my husband are sneezing/stuffing the entire night from the dust. Due to all of this stuffy nose business with the babies, we were not able to take them to "school" today. My husband really needed me to work in the office today as his assistant was out.
So, my husband called his mother to see if she could save us. She was available to take care of the babies today! It was nice to have someone come through for us when we needed it. I also hope that the room construction will be finished soon so the babies will be able to attend MDO next week.
So, my husband called his mother to see if she could save us. She was available to take care of the babies today! It was nice to have someone come through for us when we needed it. I also hope that the room construction will be finished soon so the babies will be able to attend MDO next week.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Play Room
We have decided that we will finally enclose the back patio to make it into a play room. Our living room and study have been overtaken and we need a room to grow into. Although, we have probably already outgrown the room by the time we round up everything we have spread out. When you look at the toys and realize that we have to have a lot things to keep both babies occupied, you can get a little overwhelmed.
We start our new room project tomorrow. Yesterday my husband and a friend of ours went to Home Depot to buy the flooring and the materials to construct the outside wall. I am hoping that we can have the project finished by Halloween. The only reason that I anticipate it taking that long is because we are doing it as we can afford it. We have found a person that is going to do the labor by the hour. My husband says he can help our "helper" with some of the work and when the room is ready to paint we can do that. The single largest expense, other than the labor, will be the french doors. Other than that, I am hoping we can keep the costs down to around $4,000-$5,000. We shall see.....
We start our new room project tomorrow. Yesterday my husband and a friend of ours went to Home Depot to buy the flooring and the materials to construct the outside wall. I am hoping that we can have the project finished by Halloween. The only reason that I anticipate it taking that long is because we are doing it as we can afford it. We have found a person that is going to do the labor by the hour. My husband says he can help our "helper" with some of the work and when the room is ready to paint we can do that. The single largest expense, other than the labor, will be the french doors. Other than that, I am hoping we can keep the costs down to around $4,000-$5,000. We shall see.....
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
How could something so happy be so sad....
I have been having a lot thoughts lately about all of the "so called" happy times that my husband & I should've experienced. I say "should've" because it seems that they all were ruined on some level.
As I have already stated I was not a welcomed addition by my husband's family into my husband's life. You would think that if I made him happy and gave up everything for him that would be good enough but......
When we announced we were planning on getting married we did so when one of his sisters was out of the room. When she returned and was told of what everyone was talking about her only comment was "when was this decided?". Then, when we finally went shopping for rings, and I wore the engagement ring to a function, two of his sisters just looked at each other. I got no hugs, no well wishes, nothing. Then, at our wedding his family was overheard & admitted to being upset that they were not able to stop the wedding and with any luck the marriage would not last. Then we had to go through injectables and eventually IVF to get our babies. I have been told that I should not have certain friends and that I am not to say things to others. Why can't I just have my own life and if people are not happy for us, then they at least don't say anything? Shouldn't at least one of the mentioned events have been happy, exciting, and fun??
I would love for something for us to have been celebrated. I just don't see how nothing but negative feelings and thoughts toward us and me have to be so prominent. Maybe one day before the babies have to start school we will be in a community that will welcome them. They will not have to wonder who their family is. There are so many in their immediate family that have not seen them since the first of June that it is sad for them. They should take the priority.
As I have already stated I was not a welcomed addition by my husband's family into my husband's life. You would think that if I made him happy and gave up everything for him that would be good enough but......
When we announced we were planning on getting married we did so when one of his sisters was out of the room. When she returned and was told of what everyone was talking about her only comment was "when was this decided?". Then, when we finally went shopping for rings, and I wore the engagement ring to a function, two of his sisters just looked at each other. I got no hugs, no well wishes, nothing. Then, at our wedding his family was overheard & admitted to being upset that they were not able to stop the wedding and with any luck the marriage would not last. Then we had to go through injectables and eventually IVF to get our babies. I have been told that I should not have certain friends and that I am not to say things to others. Why can't I just have my own life and if people are not happy for us, then they at least don't say anything? Shouldn't at least one of the mentioned events have been happy, exciting, and fun??
I would love for something for us to have been celebrated. I just don't see how nothing but negative feelings and thoughts toward us and me have to be so prominent. Maybe one day before the babies have to start school we will be in a community that will welcome them. They will not have to wonder who their family is. There are so many in their immediate family that have not seen them since the first of June that it is sad for them. They should take the priority.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Hard...
I have to say I am at a very hard place. I always want to put my babies' wellbeing before my own issues and I feel that I am doing that....but it is hard. I have stated before that I really do want my babies to know my husband's family, their only local family. I just have this conflict that I have to work through.
I am encouraging this relationship with our babies and their grandparents. That is what I should do and am doing. The hard part is that these are the same people who have wished I was not here. I was recently told (told mind you) by my husband's family that if I loved him I would do something. My husband asked me not to respond but I was ready to. My response was going to be that I love my husband more than his family does. Why? I gave up everything, including my livelihood to be with him. They could not even be happy for him on his (our) wedding day; they were overheard and admitted to making comments that with any luck the marriage would not last. I also have to interject that this was told to us by a 3rd party who overheard the comments that the family later admitted to....When we were battling our infertility we did not get much support. No one ever called and asked how we were doing, offered to take us out after our failures to get our mind off things, or even just give us words of encouragement. I have been verbally attacked by his family members who assume I mean one thing when I say something else, then they act (foolishly) on their own assumptions which just creates hard feelings. Especially when their own assumptions were not correct or valid to begin with.
Now, I am encouraging our babies to build a bond, I actually want them to. I just have to find a way to work through my own feelings of how I have been viewed and "assumed" to be. That if the wedding day wish had come true, the babies would not be here for them to enjoy. I guess I should be careful what I wish for......
I am encouraging this relationship with our babies and their grandparents. That is what I should do and am doing. The hard part is that these are the same people who have wished I was not here. I was recently told (told mind you) by my husband's family that if I loved him I would do something. My husband asked me not to respond but I was ready to. My response was going to be that I love my husband more than his family does. Why? I gave up everything, including my livelihood to be with him. They could not even be happy for him on his (our) wedding day; they were overheard and admitted to making comments that with any luck the marriage would not last. I also have to interject that this was told to us by a 3rd party who overheard the comments that the family later admitted to....When we were battling our infertility we did not get much support. No one ever called and asked how we were doing, offered to take us out after our failures to get our mind off things, or even just give us words of encouragement. I have been verbally attacked by his family members who assume I mean one thing when I say something else, then they act (foolishly) on their own assumptions which just creates hard feelings. Especially when their own assumptions were not correct or valid to begin with.
Now, I am encouraging our babies to build a bond, I actually want them to. I just have to find a way to work through my own feelings of how I have been viewed and "assumed" to be. That if the wedding day wish had come true, the babies would not be here for them to enjoy. I guess I should be careful what I wish for......
Monday, July 20, 2009
Hiccups
Our daughter had the hiccups after she had her breakfast bottle. Shortly after the babies were born, our pediatrician had mentioned that we might want to buy Gripe Water for upset bellies. Well, we have found that Gripe Water does nothing for gassy bellies, but if you can get your little one to swallow a dose, Gripe Water just about immediately stops the hiccups. Of course, the secret is getting them to swallow it. Half the time they just let it ooze back out of their mouth.
Now, I keep waiting until I get the hiccups so I can try it.
Now, I keep waiting until I get the hiccups so I can try it.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Babies on the 4th
The babies had a really nice 4th of July. It was on a Saturday and we continued with their routine as normal, staying very close to the schedule. We had invited another couple to come eat with us and to watch the fireworks downtown. We had invited the babies' other grandparents but they already had plans. We were hopeful that they would want to join us later for fireworks. After all, it was the babies' first fireworks/4th.
My husband spent the afternoon smoking meat for dinner and we had a great time with our friends. We put the babies down "for the nite" about 7:50 and ate then got them back up at 8:45 to get them dressed in their 4th of July outfits we had gotten them. My husband called his parents and left a message on their cell phone that we were getting ready to go downtown. He called again on the way down town to let them know where were heading to watch the fireworks. Still no response.
The babies were a little fussy on the way downtown and could not figure out why they were awake. Once we parked we put the babies in their new umbrella strollers and headed around the parking lot to a good spot to set up "camp" to watch the fireworks.
It was great! While waiting for the fireworks to begin, both babies were a little fussy but nothing too big. They were too busy looking around and trying to wake up. Once the fireworks did start, they both began watching. It was amazing just watching the babies watch the flashing lights.
After it was over, we drove back and on the way back I leaned over the seats and gave them bottles. We got them home, let them finish what they wanted of the bottles, got them back into their pj's and they drifted off to sleep.
The babies' first 4th would've been great if their local grandparents had wanted to be with them as well. Too bad they couldn't go on with their plans and then split the nite by going with the babies for the fireworks. Maybe next time the babies' have a "first", and they and their grandparents are in town, the grandparents won't want to miss it...
My husband spent the afternoon smoking meat for dinner and we had a great time with our friends. We put the babies down "for the nite" about 7:50 and ate then got them back up at 8:45 to get them dressed in their 4th of July outfits we had gotten them. My husband called his parents and left a message on their cell phone that we were getting ready to go downtown. He called again on the way down town to let them know where were heading to watch the fireworks. Still no response.
The babies were a little fussy on the way downtown and could not figure out why they were awake. Once we parked we put the babies in their new umbrella strollers and headed around the parking lot to a good spot to set up "camp" to watch the fireworks.
It was great! While waiting for the fireworks to begin, both babies were a little fussy but nothing too big. They were too busy looking around and trying to wake up. Once the fireworks did start, they both began watching. It was amazing just watching the babies watch the flashing lights.
After it was over, we drove back and on the way back I leaned over the seats and gave them bottles. We got them home, let them finish what they wanted of the bottles, got them back into their pj's and they drifted off to sleep.
The babies' first 4th would've been great if their local grandparents had wanted to be with them as well. Too bad they couldn't go on with their plans and then split the nite by going with the babies for the fireworks. Maybe next time the babies' have a "first", and they and their grandparents are in town, the grandparents won't want to miss it...
Friday, July 3, 2009
When We're Happy
My mother has been here almost a week now and she had gotten to experience our son at his best.....and worst. See for the most part both babies are very happy. Our daughter is very calm and easy going when she is around people she is used to. Our son can go from happy to just completely unhappy and screaming. The problem is that I cannot figure out what causes him to be unhappy. Part of it is that he wants to be held more. On the surface this sounds fine, except I have 2 babies to care for and our son is a chunk!! I can usually distract him and move him to another toy and that helps him to "get happy" again. Hopefully this is just a phase that he is going through.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Visitor
My mother is here for about a month. It is nice to have here to get to know her grandchildren and to help me some during the day. I wish that she lived closer or that we could move someplace either near her or completely away from all family. That way we won't have a "power struggle" over the babies by living close to only one side of their family. Not that the family they have here is all that interested in them. Only their grandparents have an interest and that is when my husband's sister is not interfering, which has happened, a lot. It seems that even on the smallest level myself and now my children will never be completely accepted.
At least I can insulate the babies from all of it. Unfortunately that means keeping them from having a family life. If we lived elsewhere this would not be a problem. But we live here and are expected to attend events. I just don't see the reason to attend when our babies are not even acknowledged. I remember one time when my husband had plans to be out of town during a "family event". He had made the comment that he was not here the last time, but his sister politely but rudely reminded him that he "lives here know so he needs to attend". Needless to say, we stayed in town to make it work. Now, "we live here now" but are treated as if it would be best if we did not.
At least I can insulate the babies from all of it. Unfortunately that means keeping them from having a family life. If we lived elsewhere this would not be a problem. But we live here and are expected to attend events. I just don't see the reason to attend when our babies are not even acknowledged. I remember one time when my husband had plans to be out of town during a "family event". He had made the comment that he was not here the last time, but his sister politely but rudely reminded him that he "lives here know so he needs to attend". Needless to say, we stayed in town to make it work. Now, "we live here now" but are treated as if it would be best if we did not.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Wondering??
Well, Father's Day just pasted and we spent it as a family of 5, including the dog. It was nice to have a holiday that celebrated what my husband has wanted more than anything. This was a family holiday and I just wish we had a family to celebrate with.
See, my father passed away about 6 years ago. Now that I have babies it is so very hard to think about holidays without him. He was not an easy man or father by any means. But with all of his faults, anytime anything great or horrible happened to me, he was the first person I thought to call. If it was great, he would always be so proud of me. If it was horrible, he would know how to take care of it, or protect me, or whatever I needed. Now, I live here, with my husband and his family. His father is still alive and I hope he appreciates that each day. When you loose a parent a part of you is gone.
Now, I know that my husband would like to celebrate his children with his family but that just keeps getting harder to do. I have always said that I refuse to allow my children to be treated second class. It has happened at the last 2 family events that we have attended because one of my husband's sister's will not even acknowledge us or the babies. I know this makes it hard on my husband because he is in this conflict between me/our family and his family. I also do not understand why they do not take responsibility for what they have caused.
See, they, meaning his family/sister, have caused this "great divide" but because I have reached my limit with it, they want me to be the bad guy about it. I just can't take any more remarks, snide statements, having people be "politely rude" (as my husband calls it) and I absolutely will not let my children be treated that way. I just don't know what to do or how to make it better. I don't even think it is my responsibility to make it better.
See, my father passed away about 6 years ago. Now that I have babies it is so very hard to think about holidays without him. He was not an easy man or father by any means. But with all of his faults, anytime anything great or horrible happened to me, he was the first person I thought to call. If it was great, he would always be so proud of me. If it was horrible, he would know how to take care of it, or protect me, or whatever I needed. Now, I live here, with my husband and his family. His father is still alive and I hope he appreciates that each day. When you loose a parent a part of you is gone.
Now, I know that my husband would like to celebrate his children with his family but that just keeps getting harder to do. I have always said that I refuse to allow my children to be treated second class. It has happened at the last 2 family events that we have attended because one of my husband's sister's will not even acknowledge us or the babies. I know this makes it hard on my husband because he is in this conflict between me/our family and his family. I also do not understand why they do not take responsibility for what they have caused.
See, they, meaning his family/sister, have caused this "great divide" but because I have reached my limit with it, they want me to be the bad guy about it. I just can't take any more remarks, snide statements, having people be "politely rude" (as my husband calls it) and I absolutely will not let my children be treated that way. I just don't know what to do or how to make it better. I don't even think it is my responsibility to make it better.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Troubles?
Today started off really bad. My husband, probably the most perfect person/husband/father there is, and I had a huge fight. We don't fight because of problems with us but today it seemed that we both took everything personally. I really blew up, he was upset. I guess the stress of everything that we both are going thru has finally caught up with us. I know it is catching up with me. I love my husband, our children, and my life with him. I would not trade him or being with him for anything.
I am stressed, always waiting for the next shoe to drop, and he is way over-worked. I think part of the problem is that we love each other so much we are always trying to do right by the other, probably too much. I wish he would do something active and release stress. I teach aerobics a couple of times a week and I know that helps me.
I know I am not easy to be around when I am stressed, and I am not proud of it. I try to keep things bottled up and I am horrible about it. I seem to either blow or hunker down and retreat. I am not good at just talking about an issue at the time because it seems that I am always misunderstood so I just wait until I can't take it anymore.
We are very happy with each other and love each other so much. I just want him to enjoy his life and be active.
I am stressed, always waiting for the next shoe to drop, and he is way over-worked. I think part of the problem is that we love each other so much we are always trying to do right by the other, probably too much. I wish he would do something active and release stress. I teach aerobics a couple of times a week and I know that helps me.
I know I am not easy to be around when I am stressed, and I am not proud of it. I try to keep things bottled up and I am horrible about it. I seem to either blow or hunker down and retreat. I am not good at just talking about an issue at the time because it seems that I am always misunderstood so I just wait until I can't take it anymore.
We are very happy with each other and love each other so much. I just want him to enjoy his life and be active.
Monday, June 15, 2009
4 Month Olds & Why Are We Here
Well, the babies have made it to 4 months. I should be saying that my husband & I have made it. I would not trade having twins for anything in the world. I will also say that this is the hardest job I have ever had. I look back and everything is just a blur. I remember it being hard but am so happy that they now sleep thru the nite. I am also not in the best place, mentally, to be here and hope that I am taking care of everything that I need to. I feel like I am but that I am not doing the best job. I try not to run out of things to do with them when they are awake between their naps. I have basically 3 rooms with play equipment and I rotate them thru the rooms during the day. They seem happy and enjoy playing on everything.
The part that is difficult for me is being here, in this town. I want my children to know their grandparents however, it appears I will have to explain to them why their grandparents live 8 minutes away but they never see them. They have an aunt, who basically tells everyone else in the family what to do, & surprising enough everyone does it, who has twice not even acknowledged them. This is hurtful. I would love to move to remove ourselves from this situation. I hope that before the babies are old enough to realize that they are treated differently and being snubbed that we as a family do not live here.
The part that is difficult for me is being here, in this town. I want my children to know their grandparents however, it appears I will have to explain to them why their grandparents live 8 minutes away but they never see them. They have an aunt, who basically tells everyone else in the family what to do, & surprising enough everyone does it, who has twice not even acknowledged them. This is hurtful. I would love to move to remove ourselves from this situation. I hope that before the babies are old enough to realize that they are treated differently and being snubbed that we as a family do not live here.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Being Here
It is so hard to be here in this town with my husband and babies. I don't fit in, never will be allowed to, and now our babies are being ignored by his sister, twice, at 2 different family events. It is just not easy to continue to be here knowing that there are these underlying issues. I truly wish we could move to another town where we would not have to deal with this on a regular basis. I have people that I talk with and surprising there are more people who see things my way than the family's way. There are several people whom the family think are their friends or they know and think these people feel one way when they have expressed a different viewpoint to me. They are actually glad that they someone (me) who knows what they are talking about when they need to vent. The sad thing is that I do not repeat what I know but because I don't I get blamed for any resulting foul-up. There are so many things that they have said about each other and family friends to me or discussed in my presence that I have never repeated. Maybe I should.
Take a baby shower for me. My sister in-law wanted to throw us a large shower. I thought it was a nice jester and appreciated it. When others began mentioning having a shower for us, I mentioned that my sister in-law wanted to do it so suggested that they work with her for one big shower. No one wanted to. One person even said that they have to work with her in Junior League so please don't ask them to work with her on this. This put me in a hard place. How could I tell her this and not be blamed for it? So I tried to work around it and emailed her in November asking that she just have a family and family friend shower in January. I never heard anything else so figured it was in the works. Basically, the invite list would be the same as the family friend Christmas card list. It wasn't until 11 days before the shower date that I found out she wasn't doing anything. Again, this was all blamed on me. How?? I guess I should have just told what I knew and let the chips fall but I was trying not to hurt anyone and accept the offers from everyone.
Take a baby shower for me. My sister in-law wanted to throw us a large shower. I thought it was a nice jester and appreciated it. When others began mentioning having a shower for us, I mentioned that my sister in-law wanted to do it so suggested that they work with her for one big shower. No one wanted to. One person even said that they have to work with her in Junior League so please don't ask them to work with her on this. This put me in a hard place. How could I tell her this and not be blamed for it? So I tried to work around it and emailed her in November asking that she just have a family and family friend shower in January. I never heard anything else so figured it was in the works. Basically, the invite list would be the same as the family friend Christmas card list. It wasn't until 11 days before the shower date that I found out she wasn't doing anything. Again, this was all blamed on me. How?? I guess I should have just told what I knew and let the chips fall but I was trying not to hurt anyone and accept the offers from everyone.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Where's the Family con't
When my husband came home this evening he said that his brother in law had called & invited us to dinner tonite for his sister. I really did not want to go as my back is just healing over from the stabbing I took last time we attended a family dinner. I broke down and went but did not want the babies passed around as my daughter has taken to screaming whenever someone picks her up that she is not familiar with.
The entire time we were there my husband's sister did not acknowledge our children. This should not be an issue unless you know the history. See, when we were battling infertility and I had lost babies on different occasions it was hard for me to attend family celebrations because my husband's niece and nephews were present. I would end up putting myself on clean-up duty so I could do something that was not "kid" related. Then, within 36 hours of the "event" my husband would get a call basically fussing at him that I did not help out with the kids enough or that I was unsocial. No one really ever seemed to want to understand that I attended the event to be part of the family and not be alone but found the whole "kid" issue very hurtful. Now, given that we have had our butts chewed for this, it makes it all that more unbelievable that our babies were not acknowledged, for the second time that we have attended a family celebration.
Again, this is hard on my husband as he feels that this is petty but also sees that this could be an issue. How do I explain this to my children when they are old enough to see this going on toward them?
The entire time we were there my husband's sister did not acknowledge our children. This should not be an issue unless you know the history. See, when we were battling infertility and I had lost babies on different occasions it was hard for me to attend family celebrations because my husband's niece and nephews were present. I would end up putting myself on clean-up duty so I could do something that was not "kid" related. Then, within 36 hours of the "event" my husband would get a call basically fussing at him that I did not help out with the kids enough or that I was unsocial. No one really ever seemed to want to understand that I attended the event to be part of the family and not be alone but found the whole "kid" issue very hurtful. Now, given that we have had our butts chewed for this, it makes it all that more unbelievable that our babies were not acknowledged, for the second time that we have attended a family celebration.
Again, this is hard on my husband as he feels that this is petty but also sees that this could be an issue. How do I explain this to my children when they are old enough to see this going on toward them?
Where's the Family
Today is my husband's 37th birthday. He has a twin sister so it is also her birthday. Unfortunately, my husband & I are not getting along with his twin sister. It is almost 4 pm and I keep waiting to hear if there will be a family birthday dinner for them. I don't plan on going as I could use a nite to myself and not have to dodge daggers all nite from the family, but I think it would be important to my husband to know that his family wants to celebrate. I had a very impromptu last minute dinner with some of our friends this past Saturday for his birthday and had invited his parents. I did this to try to be inclusive of them, not exclusive of his family as I figured there would be a family celebration for the 2 of them.
These are instances that I feel bad for my husband. If we weren't together, this would not happen. I know he says that is not true, however, he is also forgiving of the family wish on our wedding day; which his mother and sisters were caught "comforting" each other while hoping our marriage would not last. This was even admitted to by his mother. I have tried to get over it but how can I when things like this keep popping up?? It would take me a month to list the "things that keep popping up". I will admit that I usually respond in an inappropriate way, but I keep getting shot at just when I think things are getting better.
These are instances that I feel bad for my husband. If we weren't together, this would not happen. I know he says that is not true, however, he is also forgiving of the family wish on our wedding day; which his mother and sisters were caught "comforting" each other while hoping our marriage would not last. This was even admitted to by his mother. I have tried to get over it but how can I when things like this keep popping up?? It would take me a month to list the "things that keep popping up". I will admit that I usually respond in an inappropriate way, but I keep getting shot at just when I think things are getting better.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Strangers in My Babies' Life
My daughter has started going thru a phrase. Whenever someone new, or someone that she has not seen in a while, picks her up, she screams and cries. For the most part, I am fine with this - I don't want her getting to comfortable with strangers. The issue is that she also does it when someone that she hasn't seen in a week or so does it, i.e. her grandparents.
My husband's parents live 7 minutes from us but we don't see them that much. His mother does watch the babies on Wednesdays but due to some unfortunate circumstances she has not has been able to watch them the last 2 Wednesdays. We had dinner last night with his parents and the babies saw them but not too much of them. Today, we took the babies over to their house for a visit and when her grandfather picked her up, my daughter had the biggest crying fit...twice.
This is an issue that I did not want to happen and am very sad that it has occurred. Basically, my babies' grandparents have not visited in quite some time. Given that we have twins, it can be very difficult to take them someplace for a visit so we don't leave the house that often. We have to get them dressed, put them in their car seats, pack a diaper bag with diapers/burp cloths/bottles/pacifiers, get them into the car. When we get where we are going, we "unpack everything", visit, then get to "repack" and come home just to "unpack/unload". Now, for the grandparents to visit the babies, they have to get their car keys and come over.
That is what I wish they wanted to do, just come over and see the babies. I don't want to have to explain to my children why their grandparents live 7 minutes away but they never see them. I don't want my daughter cry whenever they pick her up.
My husband's parents live 7 minutes from us but we don't see them that much. His mother does watch the babies on Wednesdays but due to some unfortunate circumstances she has not has been able to watch them the last 2 Wednesdays. We had dinner last night with his parents and the babies saw them but not too much of them. Today, we took the babies over to their house for a visit and when her grandfather picked her up, my daughter had the biggest crying fit...twice.
This is an issue that I did not want to happen and am very sad that it has occurred. Basically, my babies' grandparents have not visited in quite some time. Given that we have twins, it can be very difficult to take them someplace for a visit so we don't leave the house that often. We have to get them dressed, put them in their car seats, pack a diaper bag with diapers/burp cloths/bottles/pacifiers, get them into the car. When we get where we are going, we "unpack everything", visit, then get to "repack" and come home just to "unpack/unload". Now, for the grandparents to visit the babies, they have to get their car keys and come over.
That is what I wish they wanted to do, just come over and see the babies. I don't want to have to explain to my children why their grandparents live 7 minutes away but they never see them. I don't want my daughter cry whenever they pick her up.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Teething & Other Issues
I still think my daughter's teething has begun. I may be one of the only ones but all the signs are there. She chews on anything she can get in her mouth - she even bends over to chew on the seat rim of her exersaucer. She has excessive drooling and gets fussy. I have looked at her bottom gums and can see where 2 teeth will be coming in. My son is not showing any signs of teething but it sure would be nice to have them both go thru it at the same time instead of one after the other - it will make for a long summer if that happens.
Tonite we also went to an impromptu birthday dinner for my husband. His birthday is actually on Monday but he has a twin sister that we are not getting along with; we actually hardly ever do but that is another long story, I'm sure I will elude to it throughout the blog. Anyway, the other nite I thought it would be nice to get together with some other couples that we know and have dinner together for his birthday. Yesterday, kinda at the last minute, I decided to invite his parents. I called his mother and made the invite and she accepted. I was hoping it would all go well.
I have to say that most of the evening did go well. The only comment was that it is probably too early for my daughter to start teething and that the rest of the family did not know about the dinner and were not invited. I had not invited "the family" because the family gets together for a "family birthday" for each person. I figured that there would be a family birthday dinner sometime in the next 2 days. Oh, well, I guess I just need to go back to worrying about my daughter's teething issues and not try to include anyone in something nice for my husband.
Tonite we also went to an impromptu birthday dinner for my husband. His birthday is actually on Monday but he has a twin sister that we are not getting along with; we actually hardly ever do but that is another long story, I'm sure I will elude to it throughout the blog. Anyway, the other nite I thought it would be nice to get together with some other couples that we know and have dinner together for his birthday. Yesterday, kinda at the last minute, I decided to invite his parents. I called his mother and made the invite and she accepted. I was hoping it would all go well.
I have to say that most of the evening did go well. The only comment was that it is probably too early for my daughter to start teething and that the rest of the family did not know about the dinner and were not invited. I had not invited "the family" because the family gets together for a "family birthday" for each person. I figured that there would be a family birthday dinner sometime in the next 2 days. Oh, well, I guess I just need to go back to worrying about my daughter's teething issues and not try to include anyone in something nice for my husband.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Hard Day
It has been a hard day with the babies; didn't start that way but sure went down hill fast. The babies woke at 6:45 this morning, which works for us (the goal is 7:00). They ate great and went down for their nap at 8:40. They woke at 10:50 and ate at 11. I left at 11:45 for a meeting and my husband was home to watch them and put them down for their 12:45 nap. When I go home he said our son had been a little fussy before the nap but finally went to sleep. I had time to eat and just as I was finishing, around 1:20, our son woke up fussy. I had to take both babies to my husband's office to get a little work done so I went ahead and woke my daughter and got them ready to leave. Just as I was pulling into the office, they both hit melt down mode!! As soon I got into the office, I fed them so they would settle down. They both ate but were fussy the entire time. I put them down for their nap and what happened? They only slept about 30 minutes and, you guessed it, woke up fussy. I brought them home and it was time to feed them again but as the trend continued, they wouldn't eat much but fussed.
When my husband got home, we ordered take out for dinner because we thought it would be easier. Just as we finished, they began fussing again. I had to get out so I walked up to the pharmacy for formula while he dealt with them. When I got home we feed them and they finally "fussed" themselves to sleep a little before their bedtime. They are down now and I pray that they sleep thru the nite....I need the rest after this afternoon. It has probably been over a month since they were this fussy....
When my husband got home, we ordered take out for dinner because we thought it would be easier. Just as we finished, they began fussing again. I had to get out so I walked up to the pharmacy for formula while he dealt with them. When I got home we feed them and they finally "fussed" themselves to sleep a little before their bedtime. They are down now and I pray that they sleep thru the nite....I need the rest after this afternoon. It has probably been over a month since they were this fussy....
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Office life
When my husband & I first moved (back for him) to Texas we opened a medical office "together". I say together because he is the doctor and ran the office/front desk. It seemed that it was easier this way because where we moved to there really wasn't anything in my field for me to do. He also needed someone that he could trust to help make it work. I can't say that it had always been easy but seemed to work pretty well together.
Just before the babies were born we hired someone to replace me at the office. We pretty much knew that once the babies were here, I would not be in the office but a few hours a week to pay bills and answer questions. With the cost of childcare it just doesn't pay for us to put the kids in childcare and me work at the office - we can't afford it. Well, now the person we hired is quitting for another position. We are having to interview. This is not an easy thing to do.
While I love being a mother to the babies I am conflicted about the office. My husband wants me to be there more and I don't know how to make this happen while trying to keep the babies on a schedule and take care of their needs. I know women go back to work after babies and that is not it. It just seems hard to make these decisions when there are 2 babies. It is times like these that I wish I had support with the babies. I miss having a close knit family and close friends that I can talk with.
See, when we moved here, I was so hoping for that closeness. Referencing back to my first post, I had tried to overcome whatever had happened in the beginning so I could have that closeness, for both me and my husband. Well, it never happened. Anything I did just provided more fuel for the in-laws to have more issues - whatever they were - with me. Now, we are pretty much here on our own. Hard......
Just before the babies were born we hired someone to replace me at the office. We pretty much knew that once the babies were here, I would not be in the office but a few hours a week to pay bills and answer questions. With the cost of childcare it just doesn't pay for us to put the kids in childcare and me work at the office - we can't afford it. Well, now the person we hired is quitting for another position. We are having to interview. This is not an easy thing to do.
While I love being a mother to the babies I am conflicted about the office. My husband wants me to be there more and I don't know how to make this happen while trying to keep the babies on a schedule and take care of their needs. I know women go back to work after babies and that is not it. It just seems hard to make these decisions when there are 2 babies. It is times like these that I wish I had support with the babies. I miss having a close knit family and close friends that I can talk with.
See, when we moved here, I was so hoping for that closeness. Referencing back to my first post, I had tried to overcome whatever had happened in the beginning so I could have that closeness, for both me and my husband. Well, it never happened. Anything I did just provided more fuel for the in-laws to have more issues - whatever they were - with me. Now, we are pretty much here on our own. Hard......
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Naps?
I have begun to slowly change the babies' schedule. Our ultimate goal is to have them wake at 7, nap from 9-11:30, stay awake until 2:30 then nap until 5:30 and then stay awake until bedtime at 8:30. If they don't nap for the entire "nap time" that would be fine, I am just trying to move them to 2 naps a day, 2.5-3 hours. Right now they are on 2 naps a day, 1.5-2 hours each. I am slowly starting to take their noon nap away so we can move to the desired schedule. Their morning nap is the easiest to tweak by just letting them sleep longer. I hope this works....Last nite they went to bed at 9 and slept until 6:45 so that was close enough to our goal that I am calling it a success.
Monday, June 1, 2009
16 weeks already??
Tomorrow the babies will be 16 weeks. Can't believe they are that old. I have started to tweak their schedule and am praying that I am doing the right thing and that it works. I keep asking them why the did not grab their instruction manual before they were ripped out....they keep looking at me like "don't they teach you anything??".
My husband & I spent last Saturday out of town. I enjoyed being with him away from everything but somehow didn't feel right being away from the babies. I kept thinking I was supposed to be fixing a bottle or looking in on them. I also kept waking up all thru the nite. I guess that part will never completely go away.
My husband & I spent last Saturday out of town. I enjoyed being with him away from everything but somehow didn't feel right being away from the babies. I kept thinking I was supposed to be fixing a bottle or looking in on them. I also kept waking up all thru the nite. I guess that part will never completely go away.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
15 weeks old!
Babies are 15 weeks old today!! I can't believe they and we have made it. It has been a long and really hard journey to get these two adorable babies. I may have mentioned that we were on the infertility roller coaster for quite some time - 2.5 years actually.
The journey took off in March 2005 when we finally went to see a great fertility doctor in Dallas. That was an appointment that was both hard and exciting. We developed a game plan and took off at the whistle but also knew that we had a long and possibly hard game to play. I stayed optimistic and was hoping that the journey would not take more than 1 cycle....stupid me....
Finally, after a summer of failed treatment we moved on to IVF. So much happened during our IVF treatments that I would need another blog to explain it all so getting to the "goal", we finally became pregnant on our 4th (and final) attempt last June (2008). We were blessed with boy/girl twins; the best of both. Our babies were born on Tuesday, Feb 10, 2009.
I mentioned that this blog delves into babies and family and that can get rough. I was hoping that babies would bridge the gap that has developed with all of the family issues. Surprise!! It hasn't....
The journey took off in March 2005 when we finally went to see a great fertility doctor in Dallas. That was an appointment that was both hard and exciting. We developed a game plan and took off at the whistle but also knew that we had a long and possibly hard game to play. I stayed optimistic and was hoping that the journey would not take more than 1 cycle....stupid me....
Finally, after a summer of failed treatment we moved on to IVF. So much happened during our IVF treatments that I would need another blog to explain it all so getting to the "goal", we finally became pregnant on our 4th (and final) attempt last June (2008). We were blessed with boy/girl twins; the best of both. Our babies were born on Tuesday, Feb 10, 2009.
I mentioned that this blog delves into babies and family and that can get rough. I was hoping that babies would bridge the gap that has developed with all of the family issues. Surprise!! It hasn't....
Monday, May 25, 2009
Why I Started This Blog
This has to be cheaper than therapy is all I know. See, this all started about 5 years ago when I met my current husband. I can't say that I did not know what I was getting into family wise because I did. We met when we both lived in Ohio but he is from Texas & I am from Kentucky. I remember the first time he brought me to Texas, which is where we live now but I will get to that, that I knew I would never fit in. They would not let me. See, the "they" consists of his family. I am just not "one of them". It kind of reminds me of the scene in the movie Pretty Woman where Julia and Richard are at the polo match and Julia asked Richard if these people were his friends. He replied that they are and she commented that "no wonder you came looking for me". Well, from that first night on the first visit to the last visit before we finally moved here I cried myself to sleep. It always surprised me that they always had "something" to say on our first nite; couldn't wait for the second day. To bring this history lesson to an end, we decided to move here, to Texas and start a life together.
Now, I know this blog will not make me popular to some that will read it. But, so what?? Wouldn't I tell these things to a therapist for $60 an hour? Why not get it all off my chest for free?
Have I told you enough to understand my current life? No, I know that. I just have so much to tell with only so little time to post. You see, we currently have boy/girl twins - the twins part of the blog title. They are 15 weeks old tomorrow so my free time during the day to post is limited. But, I promise if you stay tuned I will fill you in on the rest.....there is more to come.
Now, I know this blog will not make me popular to some that will read it. But, so what?? Wouldn't I tell these things to a therapist for $60 an hour? Why not get it all off my chest for free?
Have I told you enough to understand my current life? No, I know that. I just have so much to tell with only so little time to post. You see, we currently have boy/girl twins - the twins part of the blog title. They are 15 weeks old tomorrow so my free time during the day to post is limited. But, I promise if you stay tuned I will fill you in on the rest.....there is more to come.
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