Hard...

I have to say I am at a very hard place. I always want to put my babies' wellbeing before my own issues and I feel that I am doing that....but it is hard. I have stated before that I really do want my babies to know my husband's family, their only local family. I just have this conflict that I have to work through.

I am encouraging this relationship with our babies and their grandparents. That is what I should do and am doing. The hard part is that these are the same people who have wished I was not here. I was recently told (told mind you) by my husband's family that if I loved him I would do something. My husband asked me not to respond but I was ready to. My response was going to be that I love my husband more than his family does. Why? I gave up everything, including my livelihood to be with him. They could not even be happy for him on his (our) wedding day; they were overheard and admitted to making comments that with any luck the marriage would not last. I also have to interject that this was told to us by a 3rd party who overheard the comments that the family later admitted to....When we were battling our infertility we did not get much support. No one ever called and asked how we were doing, offered to take us out after our failures to get our mind off things, or even just give us words of encouragement. I have been verbally attacked by his family members who assume I mean one thing when I say something else, then they act (foolishly) on their own assumptions which just creates hard feelings. Especially when their own assumptions were not correct or valid to begin with.

Now, I am encouraging our babies to build a bond, I actually want them to. I just have to find a way to work through my own feelings of how I have been viewed and "assumed" to be. That if the wedding day wish had come true, the babies would not be here for them to enjoy. I guess I should be careful what I wish for......