Random thoughts

I'm sitting here watching the babies play, our son in a jumper and our daughter in an exersaucer. Both toys are beside each other so the babies are babbling and laughing at each other. It is so special that I just cannot imagine how these two will grow up.

I want them to grow up feeling loved, feeling important, and feeling like they belong. My biggest fear is that they will look at me one day and ask "why" about how they feel or have been made to feel. I try to protect them as much as possible but it is hard. I also want them to feel like they belong but how will they when they are just not that important to most.

I also have no way of knowing what is suppose to be expected for them. See, I have tried to make time for them to be celebrated but it always fails. I have heard "we have done it for all the other kids so of course I will do it for yours", then I have been told "just because we did it for others doesn't mean we have to do it for yours". Which one is it? I had hoped that everything done for others that celebrated others and brought family together would be a given for our children. Unfortunately, it was not. However, I predicted it. I always asked my husband why we had to change plans to be there for everyone else. He always answered that because they will do it for us when the time comes. I usually rolled my eyes & sighed because I thought he was setting himself up for disappointment. As it turned out, I was right - but not happy that I was right.

We are now making plans for the holidays and really only thinking of what we want to do. We don't want to set ourselves or babies up to be ignored, which has now become the accepted family practice. Halloween we will be going to the zoo, Thanksgiving is still "open" and we will be in KY for Christmas. We just have to go forward and plan for our children and try to make their holiday experiences as special as possible.