Visitor

My mother is here for about a month. It is nice to have here to get to know her grandchildren and to help me some during the day. I wish that she lived closer or that we could move someplace either near her or completely away from all family. That way we won't have a "power struggle" over the babies by living close to only one side of their family. Not that the family they have here is all that interested in them. Only their grandparents have an interest and that is when my husband's sister is not interfering, which has happened, a lot. It seems that even on the smallest level myself and now my children will never be completely accepted.

At least I can insulate the babies from all of it. Unfortunately that means keeping them from having a family life. If we lived elsewhere this would not be a problem. But we live here and are expected to attend events. I just don't see the reason to attend when our babies are not even acknowledged. I remember one time when my husband had plans to be out of town during a "family event". He had made the comment that he was not here the last time, but his sister politely but rudely reminded him that he "lives here know so he needs to attend". Needless to say, we stayed in town to make it work. Now, "we live here now" but are treated as if it would be best if we did not.

Wondering??

Well, Father's Day just pasted and we spent it as a family of 5, including the dog. It was nice to have a holiday that celebrated what my husband has wanted more than anything. This was a family holiday and I just wish we had a family to celebrate with.

See, my father passed away about 6 years ago. Now that I have babies it is so very hard to think about holidays without him. He was not an easy man or father by any means. But with all of his faults, anytime anything great or horrible happened to me, he was the first person I thought to call. If it was great, he would always be so proud of me. If it was horrible, he would know how to take care of it, or protect me, or whatever I needed. Now, I live here, with my husband and his family. His father is still alive and I hope he appreciates that each day. When you loose a parent a part of you is gone.

Now, I know that my husband would like to celebrate his children with his family but that just keeps getting harder to do. I have always said that I refuse to allow my children to be treated second class. It has happened at the last 2 family events that we have attended because one of my husband's sister's will not even acknowledge us or the babies. I know this makes it hard on my husband because he is in this conflict between me/our family and his family. I also do not understand why they do not take responsibility for what they have caused.

See, they, meaning his family/sister, have caused this "great divide" but because I have reached my limit with it, they want me to be the bad guy about it. I just can't take any more remarks, snide statements, having people be "politely rude" (as my husband calls it) and I absolutely will not let my children be treated that way. I just don't know what to do or how to make it better. I don't even think it is my responsibility to make it better.

Troubles?

Today started off really bad. My husband, probably the most perfect person/husband/father there is, and I had a huge fight. We don't fight because of problems with us but today it seemed that we both took everything personally. I really blew up, he was upset. I guess the stress of everything that we both are going thru has finally caught up with us. I know it is catching up with me. I love my husband, our children, and my life with him. I would not trade him or being with him for anything.

I am stressed, always waiting for the next shoe to drop, and he is way over-worked. I think part of the problem is that we love each other so much we are always trying to do right by the other, probably too much. I wish he would do something active and release stress. I teach aerobics a couple of times a week and I know that helps me.

I know I am not easy to be around when I am stressed, and I am not proud of it. I try to keep things bottled up and I am horrible about it. I seem to either blow or hunker down and retreat. I am not good at just talking about an issue at the time because it seems that I am always misunderstood so I just wait until I can't take it anymore.

We are very happy with each other and love each other so much. I just want him to enjoy his life and be active.

4 Month Olds & Why Are We Here

Well, the babies have made it to 4 months. I should be saying that my husband & I have made it. I would not trade having twins for anything in the world. I will also say that this is the hardest job I have ever had. I look back and everything is just a blur. I remember it being hard but am so happy that they now sleep thru the nite. I am also not in the best place, mentally, to be here and hope that I am taking care of everything that I need to. I feel like I am but that I am not doing the best job. I try not to run out of things to do with them when they are awake between their naps. I have basically 3 rooms with play equipment and I rotate them thru the rooms during the day. They seem happy and enjoy playing on everything.

The part that is difficult for me is being here, in this town. I want my children to know their grandparents however, it appears I will have to explain to them why their grandparents live 8 minutes away but they never see them. They have an aunt, who basically tells everyone else in the family what to do, & surprising enough everyone does it, who has twice not even acknowledged them. This is hurtful. I would love to move to remove ourselves from this situation. I hope that before the babies are old enough to realize that they are treated differently and being snubbed that we as a family do not live here.

Being Here

It is so hard to be here in this town with my husband and babies. I don't fit in, never will be allowed to, and now our babies are being ignored by his sister, twice, at 2 different family events. It is just not easy to continue to be here knowing that there are these underlying issues. I truly wish we could move to another town where we would not have to deal with this on a regular basis. I have people that I talk with and surprising there are more people who see things my way than the family's way. There are several people whom the family think are their friends or they know and think these people feel one way when they have expressed a different viewpoint to me. They are actually glad that they someone (me) who knows what they are talking about when they need to vent. The sad thing is that I do not repeat what I know but because I don't I get blamed for any resulting foul-up. There are so many things that they have said about each other and family friends to me or discussed in my presence that I have never repeated. Maybe I should.

Take a baby shower for me. My sister in-law wanted to throw us a large shower. I thought it was a nice jester and appreciated it. When others began mentioning having a shower for us, I mentioned that my sister in-law wanted to do it so suggested that they work with her for one big shower. No one wanted to. One person even said that they have to work with her in Junior League so please don't ask them to work with her on this. This put me in a hard place. How could I tell her this and not be blamed for it? So I tried to work around it and emailed her in November asking that she just have a family and family friend shower in January. I never heard anything else so figured it was in the works. Basically, the invite list would be the same as the family friend Christmas card list. It wasn't until 11 days before the shower date that I found out she wasn't doing anything. Again, this was all blamed on me. How?? I guess I should have just told what I knew and let the chips fall but I was trying not to hurt anyone and accept the offers from everyone.

Where's the Family con't

When my husband came home this evening he said that his brother in law had called & invited us to dinner tonite for his sister. I really did not want to go as my back is just healing over from the stabbing I took last time we attended a family dinner. I broke down and went but did not want the babies passed around as my daughter has taken to screaming whenever someone picks her up that she is not familiar with.

The entire time we were there my husband's sister did not acknowledge our children. This should not be an issue unless you know the history. See, when we were battling infertility and I had lost babies on different occasions it was hard for me to attend family celebrations because my husband's niece and nephews were present. I would end up putting myself on clean-up duty so I could do something that was not "kid" related. Then, within 36 hours of the "event" my husband would get a call basically fussing at him that I did not help out with the kids enough or that I was unsocial. No one really ever seemed to want to understand that I attended the event to be part of the family and not be alone but found the whole "kid" issue very hurtful. Now, given that we have had our butts chewed for this, it makes it all that more unbelievable that our babies were not acknowledged, for the second time that we have attended a family celebration.

Again, this is hard on my husband as he feels that this is petty but also sees that this could be an issue. How do I explain this to my children when they are old enough to see this going on toward them?

Where's the Family

Today is my husband's 37th birthday. He has a twin sister so it is also her birthday. Unfortunately, my husband & I are not getting along with his twin sister. It is almost 4 pm and I keep waiting to hear if there will be a family birthday dinner for them. I don't plan on going as I could use a nite to myself and not have to dodge daggers all nite from the family, but I think it would be important to my husband to know that his family wants to celebrate. I had a very impromptu last minute dinner with some of our friends this past Saturday for his birthday and had invited his parents. I did this to try to be inclusive of them, not exclusive of his family as I figured there would be a family celebration for the 2 of them.

These are instances that I feel bad for my husband. If we weren't together, this would not happen. I know he says that is not true, however, he is also forgiving of the family wish on our wedding day; which his mother and sisters were caught "comforting" each other while hoping our marriage would not last. This was even admitted to by his mother. I have tried to get over it but how can I when things like this keep popping up?? It would take me a month to list the "things that keep popping up". I will admit that I usually respond in an inappropriate way, but I keep getting shot at just when I think things are getting better.

Strangers in My Babies' Life

My daughter has started going thru a phrase. Whenever someone new, or someone that she has not seen in a while, picks her up, she screams and cries. For the most part, I am fine with this - I don't want her getting to comfortable with strangers. The issue is that she also does it when someone that she hasn't seen in a week or so does it, i.e. her grandparents.

My husband's parents live 7 minutes from us but we don't see them that much. His mother does watch the babies on Wednesdays but due to some unfortunate circumstances she has not has been able to watch them the last 2 Wednesdays. We had dinner last night with his parents and the babies saw them but not too much of them. Today, we took the babies over to their house for a visit and when her grandfather picked her up, my daughter had the biggest crying fit...twice.

This is an issue that I did not want to happen and am very sad that it has occurred. Basically, my babies' grandparents have not visited in quite some time. Given that we have twins, it can be very difficult to take them someplace for a visit so we don't leave the house that often. We have to get them dressed, put them in their car seats, pack a diaper bag with diapers/burp cloths/bottles/pacifiers, get them into the car. When we get where we are going, we "unpack everything", visit, then get to "repack" and come home just to "unpack/unload". Now, for the grandparents to visit the babies, they have to get their car keys and come over.

That is what I wish they wanted to do, just come over and see the babies. I don't want to have to explain to my children why their grandparents live 7 minutes away but they never see them. I don't want my daughter cry whenever they pick her up.

Teething & Other Issues

I still think my daughter's teething has begun. I may be one of the only ones but all the signs are there. She chews on anything she can get in her mouth - she even bends over to chew on the seat rim of her exersaucer. She has excessive drooling and gets fussy. I have looked at her bottom gums and can see where 2 teeth will be coming in. My son is not showing any signs of teething but it sure would be nice to have them both go thru it at the same time instead of one after the other - it will make for a long summer if that happens.

Tonite we also went to an impromptu birthday dinner for my husband. His birthday is actually on Monday but he has a twin sister that we are not getting along with; we actually hardly ever do but that is another long story, I'm sure I will elude to it throughout the blog. Anyway, the other nite I thought it would be nice to get together with some other couples that we know and have dinner together for his birthday. Yesterday, kinda at the last minute, I decided to invite his parents. I called his mother and made the invite and she accepted. I was hoping it would all go well.

I have to say that most of the evening did go well. The only comment was that it is probably too early for my daughter to start teething and that the rest of the family did not know about the dinner and were not invited. I had not invited "the family" because the family gets together for a "family birthday" for each person. I figured that there would be a family birthday dinner sometime in the next 2 days. Oh, well, I guess I just need to go back to worrying about my daughter's teething issues and not try to include anyone in something nice for my husband.

Hard Day

It has been a hard day with the babies; didn't start that way but sure went down hill fast. The babies woke at 6:45 this morning, which works for us (the goal is 7:00). They ate great and went down for their nap at 8:40. They woke at 10:50 and ate at 11. I left at 11:45 for a meeting and my husband was home to watch them and put them down for their 12:45 nap. When I go home he said our son had been a little fussy before the nap but finally went to sleep. I had time to eat and just as I was finishing, around 1:20, our son woke up fussy. I had to take both babies to my husband's office to get a little work done so I went ahead and woke my daughter and got them ready to leave. Just as I was pulling into the office, they both hit melt down mode!! As soon I got into the office, I fed them so they would settle down. They both ate but were fussy the entire time. I put them down for their nap and what happened? They only slept about 30 minutes and, you guessed it, woke up fussy. I brought them home and it was time to feed them again but as the trend continued, they wouldn't eat much but fussed.

When my husband got home, we ordered take out for dinner because we thought it would be easier. Just as we finished, they began fussing again. I had to get out so I walked up to the pharmacy for formula while he dealt with them. When I got home we feed them and they finally "fussed" themselves to sleep a little before their bedtime. They are down now and I pray that they sleep thru the nite....I need the rest after this afternoon. It has probably been over a month since they were this fussy....

Office life

When my husband & I first moved (back for him) to Texas we opened a medical office "together". I say together because he is the doctor and ran the office/front desk. It seemed that it was easier this way because where we moved to there really wasn't anything in my field for me to do. He also needed someone that he could trust to help make it work. I can't say that it had always been easy but seemed to work pretty well together.

Just before the babies were born we hired someone to replace me at the office. We pretty much knew that once the babies were here, I would not be in the office but a few hours a week to pay bills and answer questions. With the cost of childcare it just doesn't pay for us to put the kids in childcare and me work at the office - we can't afford it. Well, now the person we hired is quitting for another position. We are having to interview. This is not an easy thing to do.

While I love being a mother to the babies I am conflicted about the office. My husband wants me to be there more and I don't know how to make this happen while trying to keep the babies on a schedule and take care of their needs. I know women go back to work after babies and that is not it. It just seems hard to make these decisions when there are 2 babies. It is times like these that I wish I had support with the babies. I miss having a close knit family and close friends that I can talk with.

See, when we moved here, I was so hoping for that closeness. Referencing back to my first post, I had tried to overcome whatever had happened in the beginning so I could have that closeness, for both me and my husband. Well, it never happened. Anything I did just provided more fuel for the in-laws to have more issues - whatever they were - with me. Now, we are pretty much here on our own. Hard......

Naps?

I have begun to slowly change the babies' schedule. Our ultimate goal is to have them wake at 7, nap from 9-11:30, stay awake until 2:30 then nap until 5:30 and then stay awake until bedtime at 8:30. If they don't nap for the entire "nap time" that would be fine, I am just trying to move them to 2 naps a day, 2.5-3 hours. Right now they are on 2 naps a day, 1.5-2 hours each. I am slowly starting to take their noon nap away so we can move to the desired schedule. Their morning nap is the easiest to tweak by just letting them sleep longer. I hope this works....Last nite they went to bed at 9 and slept until 6:45 so that was close enough to our goal that I am calling it a success.

16 weeks already??

Tomorrow the babies will be 16 weeks. Can't believe they are that old. I have started to tweak their schedule and am praying that I am doing the right thing and that it works. I keep asking them why the did not grab their instruction manual before they were ripped out....they keep looking at me like "don't they teach you anything??".

My husband & I spent last Saturday out of town. I enjoyed being with him away from everything but somehow didn't feel right being away from the babies. I kept thinking I was supposed to be fixing a bottle or looking in on them. I also kept waking up all thru the nite. I guess that part will never completely go away.