We have decided that we will finally enclose the back patio to make it into a play room. Our living room and study have been overtaken and we need a room to grow into. Although, we have probably already outgrown the room by the time we round up everything we have spread out. When you look at the toys and realize that we have to have a lot things to keep both babies occupied, you can get a little overwhelmed.
We start our new room project tomorrow. Yesterday my husband and a friend of ours went to Home Depot to buy the flooring and the materials to construct the outside wall. I am hoping that we can have the project finished by Halloween. The only reason that I anticipate it taking that long is because we are doing it as we can afford it. We have found a person that is going to do the labor by the hour. My husband says he can help our "helper" with some of the work and when the room is ready to paint we can do that. The single largest expense, other than the labor, will be the french doors. Other than that, I am hoping we can keep the costs down to around $4,000-$5,000. We shall see.....
Monday, August 24, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
How could something so happy be so sad....
I have been having a lot thoughts lately about all of the "so called" happy times that my husband & I should've experienced. I say "should've" because it seems that they all were ruined on some level.
As I have already stated I was not a welcomed addition by my husband's family into my husband's life. You would think that if I made him happy and gave up everything for him that would be good enough but......
When we announced we were planning on getting married we did so when one of his sisters was out of the room. When she returned and was told of what everyone was talking about her only comment was "when was this decided?". Then, when we finally went shopping for rings, and I wore the engagement ring to a function, two of his sisters just looked at each other. I got no hugs, no well wishes, nothing. Then, at our wedding his family was overheard & admitted to being upset that they were not able to stop the wedding and with any luck the marriage would not last. Then we had to go through injectables and eventually IVF to get our babies. I have been told that I should not have certain friends and that I am not to say things to others. Why can't I just have my own life and if people are not happy for us, then they at least don't say anything? Shouldn't at least one of the mentioned events have been happy, exciting, and fun??
I would love for something for us to have been celebrated. I just don't see how nothing but negative feelings and thoughts toward us and me have to be so prominent. Maybe one day before the babies have to start school we will be in a community that will welcome them. They will not have to wonder who their family is. There are so many in their immediate family that have not seen them since the first of June that it is sad for them. They should take the priority.
As I have already stated I was not a welcomed addition by my husband's family into my husband's life. You would think that if I made him happy and gave up everything for him that would be good enough but......
When we announced we were planning on getting married we did so when one of his sisters was out of the room. When she returned and was told of what everyone was talking about her only comment was "when was this decided?". Then, when we finally went shopping for rings, and I wore the engagement ring to a function, two of his sisters just looked at each other. I got no hugs, no well wishes, nothing. Then, at our wedding his family was overheard & admitted to being upset that they were not able to stop the wedding and with any luck the marriage would not last. Then we had to go through injectables and eventually IVF to get our babies. I have been told that I should not have certain friends and that I am not to say things to others. Why can't I just have my own life and if people are not happy for us, then they at least don't say anything? Shouldn't at least one of the mentioned events have been happy, exciting, and fun??
I would love for something for us to have been celebrated. I just don't see how nothing but negative feelings and thoughts toward us and me have to be so prominent. Maybe one day before the babies have to start school we will be in a community that will welcome them. They will not have to wonder who their family is. There are so many in their immediate family that have not seen them since the first of June that it is sad for them. They should take the priority.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Hard...
I have to say I am at a very hard place. I always want to put my babies' wellbeing before my own issues and I feel that I am doing that....but it is hard. I have stated before that I really do want my babies to know my husband's family, their only local family. I just have this conflict that I have to work through.
I am encouraging this relationship with our babies and their grandparents. That is what I should do and am doing. The hard part is that these are the same people who have wished I was not here. I was recently told (told mind you) by my husband's family that if I loved him I would do something. My husband asked me not to respond but I was ready to. My response was going to be that I love my husband more than his family does. Why? I gave up everything, including my livelihood to be with him. They could not even be happy for him on his (our) wedding day; they were overheard and admitted to making comments that with any luck the marriage would not last. I also have to interject that this was told to us by a 3rd party who overheard the comments that the family later admitted to....When we were battling our infertility we did not get much support. No one ever called and asked how we were doing, offered to take us out after our failures to get our mind off things, or even just give us words of encouragement. I have been verbally attacked by his family members who assume I mean one thing when I say something else, then they act (foolishly) on their own assumptions which just creates hard feelings. Especially when their own assumptions were not correct or valid to begin with.
Now, I am encouraging our babies to build a bond, I actually want them to. I just have to find a way to work through my own feelings of how I have been viewed and "assumed" to be. That if the wedding day wish had come true, the babies would not be here for them to enjoy. I guess I should be careful what I wish for......
I am encouraging this relationship with our babies and their grandparents. That is what I should do and am doing. The hard part is that these are the same people who have wished I was not here. I was recently told (told mind you) by my husband's family that if I loved him I would do something. My husband asked me not to respond but I was ready to. My response was going to be that I love my husband more than his family does. Why? I gave up everything, including my livelihood to be with him. They could not even be happy for him on his (our) wedding day; they were overheard and admitted to making comments that with any luck the marriage would not last. I also have to interject that this was told to us by a 3rd party who overheard the comments that the family later admitted to....When we were battling our infertility we did not get much support. No one ever called and asked how we were doing, offered to take us out after our failures to get our mind off things, or even just give us words of encouragement. I have been verbally attacked by his family members who assume I mean one thing when I say something else, then they act (foolishly) on their own assumptions which just creates hard feelings. Especially when their own assumptions were not correct or valid to begin with.
Now, I am encouraging our babies to build a bond, I actually want them to. I just have to find a way to work through my own feelings of how I have been viewed and "assumed" to be. That if the wedding day wish had come true, the babies would not be here for them to enjoy. I guess I should be careful what I wish for......
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